HEALING THE GODDESS WITHN
* HYPNO-RESCUE NARCISSISITIC ABUSE RECOVERY PROGRAMME * INNER CHILD THERAPY * INNER GODDESS HEALING*
My Story - see below
C.I.E.H. Professional Trainer Cert.
Member of The International Hypnotherapy Association
CNHC Registered for Hypnotherapy
I started my journey as a therapist in 1994, when I trained in Aromatherapy, on qualifying I
become employed at Grayshott Hall Health and Fitness Retreat (now called Grayshott Spa)
as an Aromatherapist in the Natural Therapies Department, for nine years.
During that time, I became attuned to the Usui Reiki 1st and 2nd Degree in 1996 and 1997.
I then trained in Hypnotherapy with Dr Keith Hearne of The European College of Hypnotherapy in London.
Also received training in Past Life Regression, Future Life Progression and Spirit Releasement Therapy (SRT) with Dr Keith Hearne of The College for Past Life Studies in London, qualifying in 1999.
I then went on to train in Shamanic Journeying, Healing and Soul Retrieval with Jonathan Horwitz
of the Scandinavian Centre for Shamanic Studies in London, 2000
To then going on learning even more by receiving Life Coaching training with The College of Management & Science.
and I trained as a Radio Presenter with Warminster Radio Station in Wiltshire,
to then air my own live shows ‘Divine Time’ and ‘Kaleidoscope’.
I then volunteered as a Mentor/Buddy for 'Splitz', in Wiltshire, a charity that supports those affected by Domestic Abuse.
To then train in the Hypno Rescue - Reclaim your Life after Narcissistic Abuse,
A Seven Week Recovery Programme.
I Trained in Inner Child Therapy with Lionheart Training, then Spiritual Life Coaching
and received attunements in Angelic Reiki 1st & 2nd Degree in 2020,
then the 3rd & 4th Master in 2021
I have led/facilitated groups and workshops that included Meditations/Visualisations/Journeying,
exercises and more....
The Groups and workshops held in the past were
Feminine Reflections and Empowerment group for Women in Glastonbury also in Ringwood and Yeovil and online
My First Experience
I met him when I was 16 years old, we got engaged when I was 17 years old, then we booked the church etc to get married when I was 18 years old. I suddenly woke up one day, thinking “what was I doing? “Is this what I wanted?” “I’m 18 years old!”. I decided to end our relationship, I went round to his house as I would normally do and I told him, he was not happy! We argued about it for a while then he grabbed me, dragged me into his bedroom and raped me! I managed to get away afterwards, I was physically okay just emotionally upset but relieved at the same time, I knew I had done the right thing.
I knew that if I married him, we would soon have children and it would then have been more difficult to get away.
When I first met him through friends, he had a girlfriend, then the next time I saw him, he was no longer with her. He was charming, so I was attracted to him and we started going out with each other. Looking back on that time I can see that he was grooming me, gradually over time his behaviour became more and more controlling. I was young, a virgin and naive, I told him that I wanted to wait until I was married before I had sex. My mother had instilled in me that, that was the way it should be, this was in the 1970’s. One day I arrived at his house, he said that his parents were out and dragged me upstairs to their bedroom and raped me. I tried to stop him, saying no but he didn’t take any notice. From then on, every time I arrived at his house, he would drag me straight into the downstairs toilet near the front door and raped me, no hugs, no kisses or foreplay. I was so naive, I just assumed it was normal at the time, as we were in a relationship.
My Second Experience
I met him when I was 19 years old, I was living in a flat with a girlfriend in London and met him when we were out one evening. There was also another guy, who I met through a friend who lived in my hometown before I had moved to London. I was in contact with both of them and soon realised I need to choose one of them. I decided that because I had just moved to London, it would be difficult to have a relationship with the other guy in my hometown and I didn’t want to move back home to do this. So, I chose and started a relationship with the guy in London, a decision I was to regret later.
After a few months into the relationship with him, he started to be controlling, accusing me of smiling at other men when we were out, among other things. He wanted me to move in with him at his parent’s house, of which I did, I had my own bedroom, then we got engaged. His parents were lovely but he became more and more controlling, and physically pulled and held my arm up behind my back, threatening me. I had also seen knives that he kept in his bedroom which was very scary to see. I knew this relationship wasn’t good but didn’t know how to get out of it, eventually he came home one day and told me I was leaving as he had met someone else. He booked me a taxi while I packed my things, it happened so quickly, and I was so shocked that I couldn’t even say goodbye and say thank you to his mum. When I arrived back at my parents house feeling relieved, I broke down emotionally explaining my situation to my mum. She asked me if I was pregnant, I said no and realised how lucky I was to getaway and be physically okay so I stopped crying!
My Third Experience
I met him through his sister, who was a friend of mine when I was 20, we met at work in London, she was living with her boyfriend at the time , then when they split up, she was looking for someone to flat share with. I said I was interested as I was living at my parents home at the time, so I moved in with her. Her brother came round to visit his sister, he was going out with someone, and I was going out with one of his friends at the time. After about a year, I met him again at his sister’s place in London as she was hosting a party. He was still with the same girlfriend who was with him at the party, we all stayed over, the next day he offered to give me a lift back home, of which I accepted. Some time passed when he contacted me and asked me out as he wasn’t with the girlfriend anymore, I wasn’t sure but decided to go anyway. We carried on seeing each when we could as he was in the Royal Navy. We then got engaged and eventually got married when I was 23 years old.
The first two years were good but maybe that was because he was away for a few months at a time, he then came out of the navy and got a job. Then we bought a house, moved in after a while I did become pregnant, and we had a lovely baby girl.
It was when I was breastfeeding and finding it hard going, tiring, draining that I said to him that I’m thinking about stopping and putting her onto a milk formula. He said “oh no you can’t do that” “it would cost money to buy the milk formula”. So, I carried on getting more and more tired, I realised I was being controlled until after six months of breastfeeding, he finally said I could stop, I was exhausted.
One day I crashed our one car that we shared, I lost control on a wet slippery road driving home one day, he wasn’t happy that the car was written off and we now didn’t have a car. But he didn’t once show concern for me, I was physically okay but traumatised by the crash. I remember feeling numb as he shouted at me, I went on to become depressed, low energy and low back pain, I was diagnosed by a Chiropractor that I had symptoms of ME.
He treated me like a child, like I was one of his children for years, he put me down, humiliated me in front of others. I was confused I did not understand why until years later, I had a psychic reading, she told me that I had been his daughter in a past life in Greece! I wanted to go into the temple to learn healing and herbs, but he wouldn’t let me, I had to wait until he died to do it and I did, It was all starting to make sense now!
Interestingly, I had already trained in Aromatherapy and Reiki, of which he didn’t like me doing, I then started working at a health and fitness retreat spa. The psychic reader said that I had to meet him, marry him, have two children and learn all about a natural therapy and healing in this life to balance the scales before I could leave him!
My Fourth Experience
I met him at work in 2000, I was still working as a natural therapist at a health & fitness retreat spa from 1995 and he started working in the maintenance department in 1999.
I was aware of the Red Flags early in the relationship, but I still carried on because we were
like-minded, had the same interests.
He said he wanted to be involved with everything I was involved in! I remember thinking
“Oh that’s not good"
On a boat trip while on holiday, he just kept drinking wine during the whole boat trip, he appeared drunk, and I intuitively knew he had a drink problem.
He said out loud when we were in a group of people “She thinks she’s fat!” I felt humiliated.
He wanted to come with me to a meeting I was going to regularly about a health product. Afterwards he convinced me that it wasn’t what I thought it was and that I shouldn’t go anymore, I trusted his judgement, so I stopped going and didn’t have any more involvement with the health product.
He often said over periods of time that if I left him, he would find me!
We got engaged, he moved in with me, then we got married and after about a year then we started having financial problems due to us both changing our jobs.
I then started to realise he always seemed to have a woman friend, wherever we lived and that he was openly flirty with other women.
We moved to Somerset, got good jobs so our finances improved, after about 10 years, he met someone and left me and moved in with her. So, I moved into a flat in a different town, we saw each other occasionally as sort of friends. His relationship with her only lasted a year, so was living with different friends. He would ring me out of the blue while separated saying that he didn’t have anywhere to go, that he slept in his car on my drive (which was around the other side of the house), so I couldn’t see that he was there, if he really was.
This happened three times! each time I fell for it, feeling compassion for him not having a home. The first and second times he stayed for two weeks, on a spare mattress in the Lounge. The third time he stayed for four months that’s when I realised, he wasn’t going this time. He also needed money as he wasn’t earning enough. So, I decided I needed to think about how I was going to get him to leave and get him to sort my garage out that was full of his stuff. I eventually came up with the idea that if I moved out, he could either stay and the garage problem would be his to sort out or he would have to find somewhere else to live and sort the garage out before he left. So, I did find somewhere to move to, told him I was moving out and gave him his options. He decided to look for somewhere and sort the garage out, yes!!!
I haven’t seen him since, I did receive text messages, but I didn’t reply to them, so have been contactless for five years now. I started divorce proceedings, which all went through to the
Decree Absolute in September 2021.
My Conclusion: Looking back at all my experiences, I know I didn’t stand up for myself and I wished I had but fear of doing so stopped me from doing that. So, I put up with it until I had the courage to leave them, or they left me. I've put it all down to life experience and I feel talking about it to friends and family and writing it down has helped me release and heal myself and would encourage other women to do the same.